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How have you lovely ladies & gents on my flist been doing? I hope you're all keeping well <3
Sorry for not being around that much ^^; I've been trying to put my mentally mind at ease over my short break back at home.

I think I'll start on what I did back home and then the latter of the post will be my whining against my pre-production for my masters project (worries & whines eep)


Like I mentioned before (And sorry if I didn't), I've been on Easter break since the 2nd April and it should go on until the 25th. I knew I wouldn't be on LJ much during the time I went back home from the 4th to the 13th since my brother took his days off just to spend it with me ((Everyone says I'm lucky to have such a bro - I know lol)) so sorry about that ^^;

Let's see, my break back at home consists of playing his newly bought Wii (Play Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Mario Galaxy, some Super Mario Bros Wii and watched bro play Metroid Prime.) Three~four days out of the whole break we didn't do much just stayed at home and played games (Since the weather was so-so back then)

Important things that I did get done where visit the dentist (Had to get a filling done, lucky they had empty slots so I can be given anpther appointment within the same week.) Had my hair cut (I think next time I may get it cut over here, let's try and see how bad people cut hairs lol) and I got my ears pierced (This time I'm keeping them for life hopefully). The ears pierce was kind of 'done it in whim' thing but also because I thought I want to and I should.

I had my ears pierced when I was 10 or so, but I wasn't used to the idea of feeling and had no experience how to keep them - they closed up lol. The second time was when I was 16, I wanted to have them pierced but in the end I didn't keep them, my school was strict and forbid piercings of any kind (Later because people had so many piercings they decided to allow 1 set of piercings on the ears - that was too late for me then)

My current ones are stainless steel (Allergic to alloys, I'm not taking any chances ^^; )
And LOL! I think they made the beep sound when I was passing through the security checks inside the airport on my way back ^^;

My trip this time on flybe wasn't too bad... going back home was an overall safe journey (And I was quite scared to travel alone to an airport and plane since it's officially my first time doing this alone.) However, coming back here to bournemouth - like I said the earrings made the security check beep (I know because I wore the same garments back to home and back to bournemouth minus the earrings) and the airplane shook horribly (because of the wind, no pun intended) My reactions were #1 I'd feel safer in a roller coaster; #2 If I die, at least my family won't die with me; #3 If the plane is gonna crash or land I wish it'd hurry up because the wobbling is making me feel ill =_=;; ((I should be grateful to be alive, I know.))

I saw my mother on the day before I left. Overall she looks fine (She complains there's not much earning from her business) and she mentioned she has been feeling quite acidic on her abdomen/stomach etc. She did get her food passage checked (like I did) and the doctor said there was nothing wrong. She said she's been vomiting when the day comes to an end and that after eating something she sweats like hell. She said she'll see a doctor soon - I hope she did now. I know she's in pain all her life, but it's hard not to brush this away sometimes and feel like it's an everyday thing. I'm such a useless child o_O;;

I have not seen my second brother - he's a troublesome child is what I can say, it sounds cruel and you may feel sympathetic with him but don't just hear the basics - it's obvious he's not gonna stop gambling, he's making hell for all workers within mom's working place, think he runs the place, feels unfazed when mom says he'll cut his working time and then gets mad when mom says cutting time obviously means cutting wages too (If you work for someone, it's obvious that cutting time = less money right? Because this has never been slapped in his face before he never thought of about it. Not naive but ignorant.) I have nothing much to talk about him or with him since I kind of gave up on him.

Anyway mom, said she went to a fortuner teller. She said she never asked about her kids before and this is her first time. FT (fortune teller) says her eldest son earned a bonus. In reality, he got a raise in his wages and title (finally for a number of no raises for 2 years) for his work.

FT says the second son prays to God (really?) everyday for a kidney and that he will get better. No offense and sorry if this sounds cruel, but he is NOT the type of take care of his own health. Even now, he may be avoiding doctors, appointments etc. He does not keep himself hygenic at all. He may not even be taking his medicines properly. By the time if he does get a kidney the doctor may deem him unfit enough to be able to have a functionable kidney. Even if you do get a new kidney you're still on medicine and stuff, and he thinks getting it means no more medicine or doctors - obviously there's no such thing as an easy life. If he doesn't take care of his new kidney the results are still the same.

FT then says, "Your daughter, if it's black, it's black; if it's white, it's white." - That's it the end, and I have no idea what the FT or my mother meant at all o_O; I know not to completely trust FTs but this is some riddle lol! My mother said it in chinese so she didn't specifically said if I was black in skin colour (obviously not) or my soul, or my attitude or relating to some kind of issue/case. I have no idea what this means.

Lastly, for the first time I listened fully to one of my brother's DVD concerts of Alam Tam & Hacken Lee. It's their most recent one 左麟右李演唱會2009. This one sounds better than the previous ones - I think it's because Hacken is less 'stiff' and finally he found his style of singing? Because he has such a perfect voice, a boring dull song will make his singing sound dull (I should say the whatever the flow of the song is, his voice will sound similar to it, so if it's a cheerful song he can sing cheerfully, if it's dull and boring then his voice is boring it lulls you to sleep) His newly founded style makes his songs sound better - I usually listen for the melody so 2009 ones sounded better.
I think that's about what happened when I was back home. I tried to ignore my master projects - as for why I will talk about it in the next part.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Before my break back at home I had one tutorial meeting about my pre-production with my tutors. Let's just say it didn't go THAT well. I personally think it's because I didn't really go experiment drawing a lot and went straight to show what I want. On top of that it was drawn in 'anime/manga' style - they didn't like it lol. But that's the only style I know how to draw for now!
They said my character does not suit what they're supposed to be. If anyone remembers, I said I wanted a girl in her 20's, she's got white hair and white garments, I kind of visioned her garments to be european/gothic/lolita etc, combinations of something like that I wasn't too sure - I just know I need to make her look like a conductor with a twist.
They said I'm trying 'shoe horn' my character, trying to make them look like what they should be but they don't really seem to be. One of them said it looks like a fairy princess. One told me to go research hippies. I have a funny feeling they're thinking of something tribal.
They asked me why does it have to be a 20 year girl and not a 40 year old (they said the character sounds like mother nature) I asked them why not? When they said 40's I thought of fat, ugly, wrinkled - you get the picture. I guess I haven't been exposed to 'good-looking' 40 year olds. If you want to look at characters or play them, you'd want a beautiful or young looking one right?

One of them said my idea was not ambitious and been done over a thousand times before (Really? Maybe he meant a similar concept? But if that's the case then there's no originality at all!) he said the idea's good/ok, but the character needs to be worked. He said at the end of the day I should develop my style - but how can you develop your own style when humans in general realistic life all have 1 pair of eyes, one nose, one mouth etc. unless you have accidents anyway?

I'm not mad at them, I was just upset knowing my idea may not work in the end. I'll have to get something done when the new term starts knowing the fact that this idea of mine is not gonna turn out to what I have in mind. They want to see your ideas developed - in the real world you'll have to get a resulted product out quick and earlier - I guess I'm too used to that idea. My brother says that if I show what I want right away it suggests I am plagarising - I'm not! X(

So I was glad I decided to go home for the break, I tried not to think about it too much and kind of wanted to cry when I was about to come back here knowing it may not work out or that I won't like it at all. It would just be like the final year of my undergraduate - that one was hell not because of the workload but because I feel forced to work on stuff I don't like. Or that I just suck at my art/drawing skills in general.

I convinced myself that I had been through hell before, so I should just live with it for another 5 months and hopefully I would get out of it soon with a possible job...

Also I thought my research project was a waste when what I want to do for my masters may not be related. I thought since I'm modelling characters in terms of game modelling, hair simulation is bull and that the softwares they provide do not do something like hair meshes which seems easy for people to model hair. gamemodeeling is mostly about modelling in low-polygons and making them look high-res so I thought my research idea was completely not related to my final project. (In reality they shouldn't be realted but it's good to do your research that will help your final project in someway) So I was at a loss. My research tutor replied back that seems to be some sort of hope for me but I wasn't too sure. I'll probably email him sometime this week to see if I need to see him next week.

In short both of my pre-production and research project doesn't seem to be going well so I was worried and upset I refused to think about it much when I was back at home or in front of LJ or FB.

My brother told me to just get something done - which I agree and was planning to do so. I'll just treat this as 'I'm working for a boss and not myself' and I should be ok. that would keep my emotions in check and won't be too precious about the idea.

Sometimes I feel my tutors are so contradicting, first they say you don't have to be really good at drawing but then if you draw like shit they get worried. They ask you where's your reference yet then they say reference is not everything when you argue it is. They kept saying that this is your project and what do you want to get out of it yet they don't let you do what you DO want to do. Hey, I'm paying to do this course so I should do what I want right? Well no, seems like it's even worse than not getting paid.

One of the girls in my class sort of got told off. She originally had a ninja idea, my tutor said ninjas are cheesy and have been done over and over again. So she decided to change to another idea (Whatever it was she didn't tell me because she feels ashamed of it) she told me that our tutors said 'You've disappointed me'. Thing is, she just wants to demonstrate her animating skills, she's not a screenwriter so it's ok if her stories are simple right? One of them even told her that the worst case scenario is that if she doesn't want to the final prject she could always walk out and not get this degree and do another one - wow, that's a really stupid thing to say!

Other people asked me why I didn't say I only wanted to model to demonstrate my modelling skills (In reality I have not touched organic modelling at all) and I never stated I wanted to be a concept artist. While this is true, however I thought it's good to practice and learn to be one whether or not I become one in the future right?

Anyway, this may not sound like a lot of drama but to me I was quite upset and lacked the confidence so I refused to do much work. Even now as I have came back from home for the past few days all I have done really is to go to the library to get DVD tutorials - I haven't even watched anything yet.

But I do know I really do need to start my work now, I know I'm hating it though. I suppose everyone hates it when you don't get the support you want right? *sigh*

That's about the drama from the Uni for now.


--------------------------------------------

Can we talk about something happier? I dunno if I feel better or not ranting the about, but I think it will - because LJ always will be my final stop on rants, by that I meant once I stop ranting to my nii-san and on here, I will get a move on with life (whether I end up happy or not). No matter how much you whine and hate life, it's always there and it's my own job to try and make it better for myself - with the additional help from God, my family, online and offline friends.

I really want a nice KH wallpaper (1920 x 1200) but I really don't have time to do it. Even my LJ layout I've been saying I'll get around to remake it but I never did.

I can't wait to see Tsuna officially inherit the title of Vongola Decimo - I wish he'll be a less dame-dame and stand up for himself more. I guess we saw too much of his less-dame side when he was in the future arc. (But it's fun to see it once in a while I guess). I don't mind him panicking and freaking out he doesn't like or want to be in the mafia but I do wish he'll stand up for himself.

Hunter x Hunter - I don't like how Gon is turning out to be. Then again I should look forward to when the mangaka plans to stop his work again.

One Piece - I hope Luffy won't be too devastated. I wonder when we'll see his crew though.

Hmm.... can't think of anything at the minute, I'll post more later.

Honestly speaking there's nothing much to look forward to (other than 22nd, going to London for a day to visit bristish museum and broaden my horizons) the rest are days of hell. I don't work well with hell =_=;;

Sorry I didn't comment much, I do hope my flist are doing better than I am ^^;
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windyhurrice

August 2010

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